


S M U T

by transparentTemptation



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7383427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transparentTemptation/pseuds/transparentTemptation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>IT'S JUST A PRANK BRO.</p>
            </blockquote>





	S M U T

Jake was a woodsman. Well, actually, he lived in a jungle. But woodsman makes him sound strong. He isn’t though. He gets his ass kicked by some punk ass robotic bunny his boyfriend made him. Oh yeah, he has a boyfriend because he is also gay. That boyfriend’s name is Dirk. He’s a badass ninja dude but secretly he’s really sad on the inside. He’s also from the future.

None of this makes any sense, but it’s not supposed to. This is fucking Homestuck, what else did you expect, you piece of shit? Sorry, you’re not a piece of shit. I mean, you’re reading Homestuck smut, so you kinda are, but it’s still a joke.

Oh yeah, this is smut. So everything went completely fucking pear-shaped and Dirk was decapitated, but then he was brought back to life in the past through kissing magic. He was kissed by his boyfriend, Jake, who is gay and kinda a wimp and probably British. There was a volcano. You can’t make this shit up.

So then Dirk was all like, “Oh Jake, seeing my own head gets me so horny.” This was after he was a badass and saved everyone including the girl who is in love with him. Sucks for her because Dirk is super gay. Point is, Jake has a huge fear boner, because he almost died in a volcano eruption. And Dirk saving him was super fucking hot. Duh, they fuck. If you didn’t see that coming you’re probably stupid. This is smut. I even said that like, two paragraphs ago.

Of course they’re super gay so they had really gay sex. There were lots of butts involved. Somehow Jake has a lot of dildos in the jungle, too. Huh, I always assumed he was fucking the vines. Well, that’s a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didn’t even really need solving. But damn if it didn’t just get solved, so nice work.

Roxy is watching all this and crying because Dirk is so gay and she is a girl. It’s tragic. Now you’re sad and horny. Oops. Don’t blame me, you’re the one who read this.

**Author's Note:**

> I told my (ex-*)boyfriend I was writing him smut. He isn't very pleased right now.
> 
> (*bam future edit)


End file.
